Music Gossip with Neil Chase

I know she's a soft target, but Amy Winehouse continues to be news. She started off her UK tour in Birmingham last week and the reports on the gig varied from being desperately bad and a huge success. Presumably some people went to see an accident waiting to happen, whilst others really do appreciate her undoubted talent. Yet I am getting a little tired of the Billie Holiday / Nina Simone comparisons and until she can perform regularly with high standards of music and professionalism, then she's going to be more noted for what she doesn't do, than what she can achieve. She also committed the cardinal faux-pas by insulting the audience, along with paying mushy tributes to her husband Blake who was being held at Her Majesty's Pleasure. "Let me tell you something," she announced to the crowd. "First of all, if you're booing you're a mug for buying a ticket. Second to all the people booing - just wait 'til my husband gets out." So she's presumably going to send her hubby round to beat up anyone who booed her?

The even more amusing aspect of Blake being behind bars (and by "bars" I am referring to "prison" and not the "drinking bars" he is far more familiar with) was that when the Winestar went to visit him, she had to be subjected to a beehive check. She turned up at North London’s Pentonville Prison for visitation rights, only to have her hair inspected for suspicious substances. You know, like an overdose of hairspray, gel, lacquer or whatever else she uses to keep it strangely erect.

So what about the other prime train wreck on the other side of the Atlantic? Well as part of her child custody claim, Britney Spears has to undergo regular drugs tests to prove that she's a fit mother. But of course she failed one test and so had to come up with all sorts of excuses why. Unofficial reports claimed that the sample contained traces of amphetamine, which initially was put down to her asthma inhaler (even though she doesn't have asthma and allegedly uses it as a weight loss aid) but then it transpired that it is probably due to a drug that she takes for ADD. Fancy that, Britney Spears with an attention deficit disorder.

Oh, and reports have also come out that Brit is planning to invest in herself - or at least in a range of plastic surgery "improvements". Friends say that she's not so chuffed with her body after twice giving birth, and so is planning on a tummy tuck, nose job, chemical peel and boob enhancement. How exactly was her nose affected by giving birth?

Meanwhile it hasn't got much better for Pete Doherty either. He was supposedly filmed snorting cocaine again, just days after releasing an apology for doing the same thing a week before. In the video clip, the Babyshambles singer allegedly chops up five lines of cocaine whilst in his kitchen. Maybe he just couldn't find the tea bags?

Turning to far more serious matters, Justin Timberlake has been attacked by a ferocious bird! No, not Britney, but a sinister magpie that got the hots for Mr SexyBack whilst he was playing golf down under. Timberlake is actually a remarkably good golfer, and had been playing a round (as opposed to playing around) in Sydney, when he was attacked by a magpie.

So who would like to work with Paul McCartney? Obviously this list would not include Heather Mills, but it also won't be listing the name of Thom Yorke either. Sir Paul thought it might be good to work with the Radiohead front man (and it certainly wouldn't do his street cred any harm) but Yorke declined. "I asked Thom to do a duet," McCartney said, "but he said he couldn't because he only felt happy working on his own and Radiohead's material." And working for free presumably.

As for the divorce proceedings... by all accounts Heather Mills has a secret stash of tapes cataloguing her seemingly dreary sex life with the former Beatle, along with how he was abusive and mean to her. There's a shocker - a married couple having a rant and calling each other names. Apparently Mills won't be afraid to bring these tapes out when the next round of court proceedings happen in February. Though why on earth she would be taping her husband whilst having sex with him is a curious question.

Sir Bob Geldof is planning to formally adopt the late Michael Hutchence's daughter. The global do-gooder has cared for 11-year-old Heavenly Hirani Tiger Lily Hutchence since 2000, when her mother and Bob's ex-wife Paula Yates died of a heroin overdose, and three years after her INXS singer father was found dead in a Sydney hotel room. But the move has not been welcomed by the Hutchence clan who say that Tiger Lily hasn't ever been allowed enough visits from them. Sir Bob has three other children with Paula - all with equally pretentious names - Fifi Trixibelle (24), Peaches Honeyblossom (18), and Pixie (17).

Daft tour riders are to be expected. The higher profile the star, the more ridiculous the demands. The list that 50 Cent has for his latest UK tour runs to 18 pages and includes a KFC chicken bucket and a well-done fillet mignon steak. There must also be a running buffet of other food available too -  scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, French toast, pancakes, waffles, crepes, peanut butter, and various jams. Food must be served on the finest china and with the correct silverware. Paper plates? No, no, no...

Tempers and attitudes are getting more frayed with the approach of the Spice Girls reunion tour. Long time chums Geri Halliwell and George Michael have reportedly fallen out over his failure to write a new track for the girls. He had agreed to pen a track for the reunited girl band, but Geri was said to have grown frustrated with how long he was taking and so teamed up with Baby Spice instead. Which perhaps explains why "Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)" is such a load of tosh.

However Geri has rubbished claims that the Spice Girls are not getting on. Ever since they announced plans for a reunion tour earlier this year, rumours of friction have been rampant, but these are not true. "It's really comical actually," said Geri, "because we've never gotten on better. We're just rolling around with laughter the whole time, we lift each other up." The other fly in the ointment is Victoria who has been overheard discussing plans for a new nursery, sparking rumours she is pregnant. Although Posh 'n' Becks have three sons already, Vic is gagging to have a daughter so that she can do all the girly things with her. But Spice Manager Simon Fuller has placed a pregnancy ban on all the girls as he doesn't want hormones to get in the way of the successful – and bankable - reunion.

Then there is the other huge reunion gig - the return of Led Zeppelin. Tickets for the concert next month are like gold, and one fan has paid more than a golden price for a pair of seats. A listener to BBC radio reportedly paid £83,000 for the two tickets, but thankfully it wasn't a huge scalping success by a tout, and instead was a charity deed with the dosh going to this year's 'Children In Need' campaign. If it's any consolation for shelling out such a huge price, the purchaser will also see the rock legends at their soundcheck the day before.

But as big as Led Zep and the Spice Girls re-get-togethers are, equally large could be a reunion by the Jackson Five. Talks have reportedly been taking place between the various members of the Jackson tribe and promoter Leonard Rowe, who was behind Michael Jackson's tour supporting 'Off The Wall' back in the late 70s. "We wanted to go this year, but [Michael] said it would take a lot of preparation," he was quoted as saying. "His brothers are ready. Janet is ready. But the motor of that car that makes the car run, isn't ready just yet." It will need quite a rebuild too I'd imagine, as the wheels to Michael's vehicle fell off many years ago.

Neil Chase
Music Editor
19 November 2007